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Dad Jokes Galore

18 May 2022

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We love Dads and the very special way that they can make their children roll their eyes with just a one-liner. Bad jokes are the purview of Dads, so here we have amassed a mighty collection to boost their already admirable repertoir in good time for Father’s Day on Sunday 19th June!


• I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."
• "How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?" "You follow the fresh prints."
• "What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?" "Supplies!"
• "What did the ocean say to the beach?" "Nothing, it just waved."
• "I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y."
• "How does the moon cut his hair?" "Eclipse it."
• "What's the best thing about Switzerland?" "I don't know, but the flag is a big plus."
• "I don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady."
• "Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up."
• "What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows."
• "Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired."
• "What did one hat say to the other?" "Stay here! I'm going on ahead."
• "Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain?" "It didn't have the guts."
• "How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it."
• "What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese."
• "When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?"
• "I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know..."
• "If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?"
• "What country's capital is growing the fastest?" "Ireland. Every day it's Dublin."
• "I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea."
• "Did you know corduroy pillows are in style? They're making headlines."
• "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field."
• "I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless."
• "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!"
• "Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the 'no-bell' prize."
• "I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me."
• "I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!"
• "Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent."
• "It takes guts to be an organ donor."
• "I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it."

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